Our brains were designed to be understood by other brains.
When someone really “gets” us, our brains easily integrate what has happened to us, leaving us present, calm, and at choice.
When we’re not “gotten” — including when we’re received with disinterest or harshness — our brains literally can’t process our experience fully. A kind of neurological and experiential “inner orphan” gets created that’s no longer connected to the present moment; a part of us gets “left behind.”
As a result, our brains can’t support us in being present, secure, and at choice, the way they’re designed to do.
Do you have some of these telltale signs that you have an “inner orphan”?
- without warning, you suddenly feel angry, scared, confused, frozen, or hopeless
- you beat yourself up for your mistakes
- you have a sense of not being at choice (while aching for it)
- you run for the hills instead of staying and having a tough conversation with someone
- you often treat other people’s needs as more important than your own
- you give up your power in relationship, including staying in relationships that are unsatisfying for you
The good news is that it’s never too late to be “gotten” and restore our brain’s natural ability to handle life’s challenges without overwhelm or struggle. (And it’s not even necessary to remember our past experiences.)
Find out how resonant empathy — “being gotten” — lets our brains finish their job, restoring our capacity for presence, calm, and authentic choice.